Choosing Your Bridesmaids

Choose your attendants carefully. Not every friend or relative makes the perfect attendant. You especially want your bridesmaids to be these three things:

#1 Very Reliable: Show up for fittings when they are scheduled. Be on time for the rehearsal and the ceremony!

#2 Very Accommodating: Able to wear a dress that may not be their ideal selection and not gripe!

#3 Very Helpful: Willing to help out with any wedding details, errands, shopping or help putting together favors.

When choosing the members of your wedding party, pick friends and/or family members that you are close with right now. You may want to ask an old college roommate that you haven't seen in a while, but don't feel compelled to include people just because you were in their wedding. If you're close to your sister or future sister-in-law, include them in your wedding party, plus, it's a good idea to emphasize that the marriage is a blending of two families and to avoid unnecessary conflict.

If you’re on a tight budget, try to limit the number of attendants. This will reduce your costs in more ways than one! It will reduce your flower bill; the number of attendant gifts that you’ll have to purchase; the cost of a bridesmaids luncheon and rehearsal dinner. Speaking of size, remember that the more bridesmaids you have, the greater the potential for complications. In other words, you'll need to get more people to agree on a dress or decide on a shower date.

You may want to look at bridesmaids gowns first and set a budget for the dress, shoes and other accessories that they would be required to pay for. Then, let your bridesmaids know a realistic budget of what they will need to pay to be a bridesmaid in your wedding before you ask them to accept. Try not to make hasty assumptions. Don't write off some friends simply because you think they don't have enough money to afford the bridesmaid dress you have your eye on. If you want to ask a friend whom you know is having financial difficulties, you can always tell them that you'd love for them to be a bridesmaid, but understand the tough time they're going through now. And if they can't do it, that you'd love to find something else for them to do in the wedding. Or, you can offer to pay her way if you can't stand the idea of her not being in the wedding.

A bridesmaid doesn't have to be a woman. If your best friend is a guy, there's no reason why he can't be in your wedding. Today, many brides and grooms are including members of the opposite sex as attendants. In these cases, a man on the bride's side is simply called an attendant or bridesman, while a woman on the groom's side can be called a groomswoman.

If you are asking bridesmaids who live out of town, be sure to take into consideration the travel and lodging expenses when figuring the projected “bridesmaid budget”. Also tell them as soon as possible so they can make travel and work arrangements.

One of the first things to consider when selecting your bridal party is how many guests you're planning to invite. While bridal parties can range anywhere from a single maid/matron of honor to more than a dozen attendants. The average wedding party for formal or semi-formal is four to six bridesmaids and ushers. Also, a large wedding party traditionally signifies a formal wedding. So if you're planning a small, intimate gathering, ten bridesmaids might be a bit too much.

A good rule of thumb is to have one groomsman and one corresponding bridesmaid for every 50 guests. When choosing your wedding attendants remember that you don't necessarily need to have the same number of bridesmaids and ushers. Bridesmaids can walk down the aisle together in pairs, alone or two bridesmaids can be escorted by one usher.

Once you make up your mind about your bridesmaids, you'll want to get the word out. The only thing worse than a coworker who thinks she's invited to your wedding is a friend who assumes she's going to be a bridesmaid. If you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings, remember that, any true friend will understand whatever decision you make. And finally, the sooner you make your decision, the sooner you get to check off one more box on your endless wedding checklist.

Still stuck? Keep in mind that there are plenty of other roles good friends can play in your wedding if they don't make the cut they could do a reading, hand out programs, or perform a song.