Etiquette Rules

If you want to pull your wedding day off the "proper" way here are some rules of etiquette. Some of the information comes from professional etiquette guides and other information comes from what has been learned through the years and we have given you some suggestions.

Invitation Problems

If you don't want children at your wedding, you have a couple of options:

When addressing your invitations, leave the children's names off it and also don't mention them in the invitation.
Have friends and family pass the word around that you don't want children there.
However: How many people know or understand etiquette. In some cases you have to cut straight to the chase and say what you mean. We suggest adding one of these phrases to the bottom of your reply card:

-Adult Reception
-We hope that the (# of) of you will be able to join us
-(# of) seats have been reserved in your names

Other invitation stuff:

If someone hasn't responded to your invitation, 1 week past the "Reply by" date, call him or her and confirm over the phone.

Children over the age of 16 get their own invitations.

Your officiant and their better half get an invitation

Send your parents and wedding party invitations, as a keepsake. They don't have to reply.

You have to put return postage on your RSVP's.


Wedding Gifts
 
It is considered rude to put "cash only gifts", or other wording meaning the same thing on the invitation.
You're not supposed to put where you are registered on your invitations. It's left up to friends and family to inform everyone. However: That could get to be a bit much if you're having a huge wedding. We really don't see what the big deal is in having a separate insert, titled "Registry Card" followed by your registry information. Guests would probably appreciate it!

You're not required to open your gifts at the reception or in front of anyone.


Canceling or Postponing the Wedding

You're supposed to return the engagement ring.

You have to send back all the gifts with a brief explanation why it was cancelled. (So don't use anything until the big day)

It's written that if a gift is engraved or personalized, you don't have to return it.

Don't speak poorly of your ex because somewhere down the line you might get back together.

You should inform out-of-town guests first so that they can change or cancel their travel and lodging arrangements.

If you're postponing your wedding, of course every guest has to be contacted. Etiquette pros also say that you have to send another invitation with the new date.


The Bride's Second Marriage

If you've been married before or have children it's perfectly acceptable to wear white.

If you've been married before or have children you're not supposed to wear a veil or have a train attached to your dress or carry orange blossoms. Because it is a sign of purity or virginity!

The second time around, your parent's are not obligated to pay for anything.

If you get along with your ex-husband and his family and it's fine with your fiancé, then it's acceptable to invite them to the wedding.


Reception Seating Plan
 
Don't seat battling relatives together.

So that everyone has a good time, seat teens together, aunts and uncles together, etc. Try seating groups either by their relationship to you or by their ages.

As for the head table, the rule has changed so often that there isn't a rule anymore. You and your husband can sit at a raised table with your wedding party below you. You can have your own table with a table on either side of you with your wedding party. You and your husband in the middle of a long table with men on one side and women on the other, or boy, girl, boy, girl. Having parents and grandparents at the table or not, it's up to you.

Stick to table numbers. Other ways to mark the tables such as famous couples, places you've been, etc., are hard to see from across the room. Guests have complained when they have to search for their tables.

Reserved tables are all you need. Why put yourself through the extra work of having a reserved chair for each guest? It just gives people something else to complain about.

It's a good idea to have a "Reserved" card at the parents seats. They are the only ones that need preferred seating.


Wearing Gloves
 
Gloves give your wedding attire such an elegant look. You can take them off sometime before you put on your wedding ring and hand them to your maid of honor. She'll give them back to you at an appropriate time.

It's appropriate to wear your gloves in the receiving line and the first dance. When it comes time to eat and party, the gloves must come off.